Manuel Almunia - 7 - Made a save, I suppose. Not much use otherwise.
Bacary Sagna - 6 - I don't like what he's done to his hair but Lauren looks a bit sharper these days.
William Gallas - 5 - Now I like Billy - he tells it like it is, just like me. Knows nowt about football, erm…
Johan Djourou - 7 - I have nothing bad to say about Johan - mainly because I can't pronounce his surname.
Gael Clichy - 6 - "Give him the No 3" - give a size 11 up the arse, make him realise what his right foot is for.
Denilson - 6 - Should continue his run in the team so I can continually make my Denilson/Dennis Nielsen joke.
Alexandre Song - 5 - Why? Why? Why? Delilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Now that's A Song.
Cesc Fabregas - 7 - Plays like he's already at Barcelona - what with the wanting to win and play attractive football malarkey.
Abou Diaby - 6 - Looks live Vieira but doesn't play like him - how odd.
Robin van Persie - 5 - Get rid - often shoots before I've managed to shout "shoot" at him. Where's the fun in that.
Emmanuel Adebayor - 7 - Scored so I like him this week. Hope he misses a chance soon so I can have a go at him.
Substitutes:
Nicklas Bendtner - 5 - Never lets me down in the missing a chance department.