Slavia Prague v Arsenal - Player Ratings

Last updated : 08 November 2007 By Luis Anaconda

Our combination of high-quality entertainment, players with film-star looks and occasional cartoon-like defending was always destined for bigger things than mere sports channels. Of course those of us with Virgin Media were denied access to the game - a particular pain when you have to attend a family dinner and therefore could not even record the match. However, no point holding a grudge - so here are the match ratings brought to you in conjunction with the UK's most popular non-terrestrial entertainment TV channel (that has Sky and One in the title).

Manuel Almunia - Sky one rating: Journeyman - Sci-fi tale in which a previously unheralded goalkeeper travels back in time to take on the Nazis and, in particular, Mad Jens, keeper of the holy gloves.

Lassana Diarra - Lost - Impressive midfield general finds himself stranded in the land of right back, where there normally lies a creature with very scary hair.

Alexandre Song - 24 - On the worst day of his life, young Alex finally finds out how many people in the world actually rate him.

William Gallas - Nothing but the Truth - Straight-talking captain reveals that the squad is too thin, but changes his mind and gets injured or not.

Gael Clichy - Prison Break - Engaging, handsome young felon gets out of jail and runs really, really, really FAST.

Theo Walcott - Cirque de Celebrite - Rarer than a sober Alex Ferguson, spotted less than a zebra. Roll up, roll up - come and see the Englishman playing for the Arsenal.

Denilson - Angel - Looks like one, plays like one.

Gilberto Silva - Relic Hunter - Ageing former Brazil captain goes in search of the remnants of his career.

Abou Diaby - Malcolm in the Middle - Talented young midfield player has trouble attracting attention because of his siblings and gets pushed out to the fringes of things.

Eduardo da Silva - Futurama - A traveller arrives in a foreign landscape and takes his time to adapt to the strange ways of the futuristic people. Not as good as the Simpsons.

Nicklas Bendtner - Are You Smarter than a Ten Year Old - If you keep bleating about your lack of chances we might have a clue to this question, Nic.


Emmanuel Adebayor - The Simpsons - A long-runner that hasn't really hit the mark for a while.

Emmanuel Eboue - Ad Break - Five minutes of terrible acting.