Arsenal 5 Wolves 1: 'Are you Inter in disguise?'

The return of the Main Man

According to the big screen Wolves had put out their Premiership first eleven but on the pitch all I saw was a bunch of no-hopers. Arsenal lined up with their youngsters and a couple of players looking to get fit again. We started with Graham Stack whose squad number is 33, Justin Hoyte 45, Frankie Simek 51, Stathis Tavlaridis 27, Gael Clichy 22, Wiltord 11, Francesc Fabregas 57, Vieira 4, David Bentley 37, Kanu 25 and Aliadiere 30.

This was a really entertaining line up who took Wolves to the edge of embarrassment and then well beyond. Patrick was a mile away from full fitness and walked through the last 30 minutes. Wiltord was made to look seriously good, Kanu slalomed his way through Wolves at will, Aliadiere shredded them and the sixteen year old Cesc made Ince and Rae look the has-beens they so obviously are.

Kanu and Wiltord opened our goal attempts forcing a save and a corner respectively. Kanu then missed a great chance with an open goal gaping wide in front of him. Next up was a Kanu solo, which included a nutmeg and a step over before a shot that hit the post. Another Wiltord shot was followed by Kanu attempting to take out the Executive boxes with an alleged shot. Jeremie also had a decent solo and Bentley was looking the part. Our youngsters were basically pissing all over them while Pat did his best to catch up with everyone else. Stack had to come out fast to catch but it was all Arsenal, Bentley having an over ambitious shot at the other end. Clichy, not to be outdone, also had a long-range effort well wide. We were taking the game to them and quality moves came thick and fast.

Some naff Wolves defending, a hopeless back-pass, good anticipation by Aliadiere who followed a neat steal with a decent shot which saw our French youngster put Arsenal into a deserved 1-0 lead. We continued to dominate and Bentley had a good free kick from left outside the box go just over their bar. Wolves looked inept, but in all fairness we were making them look that way. Miller went in late a couple of times so Simek took him out and Gallagher brandished a yellow card at our number 51. Stack missed a punch and from the corner Ince tried to be flash with his shot. Pat then powered down our left but their keeper saved. Blake then missed a sitter, Hoyte then did well to cut out a Blake cross. Simek also did well to cut out a killer cross but offside was flagged anyway. Bentley had a fine break just before half time but his shot was blocked.

Kanu gets on the scoresheet

No changes for the second half. Aliadiere and Fabregas broke fast and Cesc had a delayed shot saved. Aliadiere to Wiltord but his shot was saved for a corner. Hoyte, who’d played well, went down and was stretchered off, it looked bad. He was replaced by Olafur-Ingi Skulason (55). A great Clichy solo run down our left was followed by a short battle between Tavlaridis and Blake followed by some Eskimo style nose rubbing which saw them both get yellow cards. A Wiltord break and a shot saved from Cesc. A fine Clichy cross was met with a decent left foot strike from Kanu that was tipped over for a corner. Kennedy came on for Miller. A good run by Jeremie who was visibly growing in confidence. A Kanu cross that Aliadiere chested when he might have headed.

The game was fairly open, or at least Wolves defence was. Bentley cut in from the left and drove a shot over. Cesc set defence into attack with a first time ball to Skulason who hit a good ball down the line to Wiltord. Sylv put in the perfect low cross for Kanu to walk in. 2-0 Arsenal. Andrews ‘Who?’ was replaced by Sturridge ‘Who?’ as the stands rang out to the tune of ‘Go back to the Nationwide’. Kanu on halfway with what was seemingly a reverse flick on for Jeremie who was at speed. He took on about three players and managed to make space for a powerful low shot perfectly placed in the bottom corner to the keeper’s left. Fabulous stuff and ‘3-0 to the Arsenal’. Gudjonsson late on Clichy and he too got a yellow card. The anonymous Camara was replaced by Newton ‘Who?’.

Fabregas - Opening goal for the club - and still 16

Great control by Wiltord down the right, maybe I should repeat that; great control by Wiltord down the right. ’Incey, Incey what’s the score?’ Bentley replaced by Ryan Smith (56). Vieira a great ball through to Wiltord who was just onside as he nutmegged the slowly advancing keeper. 4-0 Arsenal and the first airing of a little ditty called ‘Are you Inter in disguise?’ Wolves got one back through Rae to make it 4-1 before Aliadiere was replaced by Michal (correct spelling) Papadopulos (32). He was soon chopped down but it wasn’t given. Cesc meantime was always available for a pass, always flicking his head left and right to see what was on, always ready to spring a team mate, always willing to take on all comers in a tackle and looking for all the world as if he played at Highbury every week.

The attendance was announced as 28,161 before Wiltord on the right sent one across for Cesc to tap in and make it 5-1 to Arsenal. Our youngest ever goal scorer at sixteen years of age, and he’ll never get an easier one. There will also be 28,161 souls who will be proud to announce one day that they were there when he scored his first for Arsenal. The match ended with chants of ‘We want six’.

This was fabulous entertainment for Arsenal fans and a major humiliation for Wolves to have been torn apart by such a young Arsenal team. At just £15 a ticket this was also tremendously good value for all those who turned up on a damp Tuesday evening. Now remind me, where have I seen that score line recently?