Thierry Henry - Will he stay or will he go?...

Last updated : 26 March 2006 By Brian Dawes
Transfer speculation concerning Thierry Henry has now become something far beyond a global game of supposition, speculation and uneducated guesswork. It has also become the basis on which Club presidents begin to spin their election campaigns, how managers up their transfer kittys, how world class players juxtapose themselves within the world's game and how journalists make a living. When I say journalists I basically mean lying bastards who make things up for personal monetary gain. Or lying bastards who make things up for the monetary gain of their employers. Or lying bastards who just hate all things Arsenal.

Quite how a correspondent in Madrid is believed to speak with authority just because he is in Madrid is beyond me, but somehow it carries more weight and a far greater conviction of bullshit than say a correspondent in Halifax. Likewise it appears that a spurious unofficial website in Barcelona carries more weight than one in Accrington and a Milan newspaper is deemed to have more authority than the Grimsby Echo. Why this should be when they are all either making it up or spinning an earlier previously repeated lie is beyond me.

What is without question is that no one knows for sure what Thierry will or will not do regarding staying or leaving Arsenal Football Club. Probably not even Thierry himself and there is absolutely no reason why he should make up his mind before he's ready to. However I can tell you with absolute certainty what other individuals and Clubs would like him to do and who exactly is in the running for his next all-important contract signature.

Having trawled vast tracts of the web over an extensive period of time following every latest speculative link with Thierry Henry I can now give you what I believe to be the full list of genuinely interested Clubs. Extensive research has revealed that either the chairman, owner, board, manager, coach, press secretary, CEO, physiotherapist, director of football, marketing department, tea lady, groundsman, kit manager or a member of playing staff at the following Clubs have all either expressed a desire, willingness, ambition, certainty or hope that Henry will be joining their particular football club at sometime in the near, medium or distant future.

The running order I have chosen is my own personal assessment as to the statistical probability of him signing for any of the following parties who are currently interested:

Arsenal, Barcelona, Internazionale, Juventus, Bayern Munich, A C Milan, Real Madrid, Lyon, Hamburg, Deportivo La Coruna, PSV Eindoven, Fiorentina, Bordeaux, Roma, Schalke, Werder Bremen, Liverpool, Glasgow Celtic, Borussia Monchengladbach, Glasgow Rangers, Valencia, Osasuna, Stuttgart, Sevilla, Hertha Berlin, Fenerbahce, Hannover, Livorno, Lazio, Olympiacos, Palermo, Borussia Dortmund, Rosenborg, Bayer Leverkusen, Lille, AZ Alkmar, Auxerre, Chievo, Feyenoord, Anderlecht, Porto, Club Brugge, Marseille, Rapid Wien, Thun, Panathinaikos, Benfica, Hearts, Portsmouth, Newcastle United, Sampdoria, Everton, Ascoli, Celta Vigo, FC Nurnberg, Siena, Manchester City, Villarreal, Ariminia Bielefeld, Blackburn Rovers, Atletico Madrid, Bolton Wanderers, Wigan, Parma, Racing Santander, Real Mallorca, Espanyol, Rennes, Lens, West Ham United, Cagliari, Ajax, FC Groningen, Empoli, Udinese, Utrecht, Charlton Athletic, Heerenveen, Twente Enschede, NEC Nijmegen, Fulham, Paris Saint Germain, FSV Mainz, Le Mans, Nice, Aston Villa, Kaiserslautern,Nancy, Monaco, Wolfsburg, Real Zaragoza, Eintracht Frankfurt, Getafe, Reggina, Reading, FC Cologne, Kilmarnock, Sheffield United, Alaves, Wista, Debrecen, Steaua, Lokomotiv Moscow, Partizan, CSKA Sofia, Sporting Lisbon, Malmo, Shaktar, Basel, Slavia, West Bromwich Albion, Real Betis, St Etienne, Nantes, Toulouse, Sochaux, Troyes, Strasbourg, Ajacciao, Metz,Birmingham City, Sunderland, Messina, Athletic Bilbao, MSV Duisberg, Lecce, Treviso, Real Sociedad, Cadiz, Hibernian, RKC Waalwijk, Vitesse Arnehem, Malaga, Leeds United, Roda JC Kerkrade, Watford, Crystal Palace, Preston North End, Wolverhampton Wanderers, Cardiff City, Norwich City, Coventry City, Heracles Almelo, Ipswich Town, NAC Breda, Luton Town, Sparta Rotterdam, QPR, Plymouth Argyle, Stoke City, Leicester City, Hull City, Dundee United, Burnley, Southampton, Derby County, Sheffield Wednesday, ADO Den Haag, Willem II, RBC Roosendaal, Millwall, Brighton & Hove Albion, Aberdeen, Inverness CT, Motherwell, Dumfermline, Manchester United, Falkirk, Chelsea, Crewe Alexandra, Livingston, Accrington Stanley, Hackney Marsh Muppets and their sister club Tottenham Hotspur.